Christian sex articles about MBG.

Sex toys arguably approved by the Good Book

Wed, September 20, 2006  

    Toronto Sun

By THANE BURNETT

If it's been awhile since you felt the power of God, then perhaps it's time to change your batteries.  

While Christians are often portrayed as up-tight and buttoned-downed when it comes to -- um, well, you know -- sex, a growing number of online storekeepers now promise as much exultation for the body as the soul.  

Can I get an "amen" for Christian sex shops.  

Arguably Bible approved -- most contain chapter and verse where the good book speaks about man and woman "becoming one flesh" -- Canada, the U.S. and the U.K. are now home to sites devoted to unbelievable toys for true believers.  

From lotions and oils to rings and a vibrator called the "Jelly Gumdrop Vibe Cherry Smoothie." Michael and Sherri Berner's online shop -- mybelovedsgarden.net -- offers a king's ransom of waterproof aids for married couples only.  

While you can order a "Turbo 8 Accelerator Bullet" from them -- I still can't figure out why you would need an LED read-out -- what you won't see on their site are any graphic images of naked men and women.  

There are other, more subtle, tell-tale signs that theirs is not a typical sex toy shop.  

Even though they sell erotic lingerie -- each pictured on a model -- what you won't find is a belly button. They have been digitally removed, along with most cleavage, so as not to offend some Christians.  

The Surrey, B.C. couple was inspired with the idea about six years ago, and finally came online with it in 2004. The website is now routinely given out to couples during Christian marriage counselling, especially in the U.S., where 90% of their business comes from.  

"Sexuality has been treated as a bad thing," Michael explains.  

"These are just toys and things in a bedroom ... what is the problem."  

Christians can have healthy sex lives, he and Sherri preach.  

"It's a wonderful ministry and business," he adds.  

He remembers one couple, in their 50s, contacted him after they had ordered from their shop. While their sex life had previously turned to Hell, their online shipment was heaven sent.  

Owners of a large rural acreage, they told Michael, they "were soon running around it nude, after one another."  

Their clients include the old the disabled and sick -- one woman needed lotions to counteract the effects of cancer treatment -- as well as men of God.  

"A pastor can't simply walk into most (sex) shops," says Michael.  

"You begin to talk to some Christians, and realize they haven't had sex for years. Where do they turn?"  

As well, Michael said most XXX-shops prey on the senses of the flock.  

While you usually can't avoid graphic imagery of multiple-partners and homosexuality, these sites stay clear of anything anal.  

While sales are climbing, he says Canadians are still slower than Americans to be converted over to a sex site.  

Which is strange, he admits, since you can find more graphic images and language on our TV, than south of the border.  

Which may be a problem. They had to shut down their Canadian-based, Christian sex and relationship chat site, because it was becoming too blue.  

Even Michael and Sherri's online address is now American.  

The 42-year-old soft tissue, pain control expert -- and Sherri, a 39-year-old interior designer -- often get strange reactions when they tell people about their on-line ministry.  

"People go red-faced, and don't want to know anything more," he said.  

"We're putting a chink in the armour (of not being able to talk openly)."  

After the birth of her first child, six years ago, Joy Wilson couldn't get motivated for sex with her husband Kevin. A strong Christian, the Oregon teacher didn't know where to turn for her salvation.  

So she and Kevin started book22.com, one of the first religious-based intimacy product sites aimed at married couples.  

Before they send out any of their products, most of the cardboard backing -- often depicting nude or semi-nude models -- is taken away. In other cases, stickers are placed over naughty bits. The products are then sent out in plastic polybags.  

"Some would ask, 'Are you taking out the directions?" says the 35-year-old mom. "The sad thing is there are no directions in most of these products. They don't say how they work or how to clean them."  

Her site links to another online Christian sex and intimacy location -- themarriagebed.com -- which tells users what goes where.  

This year, Joy and Kevin's market will be about $100,000 -- largely from the U.S. and Canada.  

"It's way more a ministry than about making money," Joy says.  

Though she still doesn't tell everyone in her church.  

"We don't want to embarrass the older couple sitting in the next pew," she admits.  

She -- and the other shopkeepers -- are just quietly happy to be arming Christian soldiers for the bedroom.  

And, oh God, yes, embracing what comes naturally.

Macleans.ca 

September 11, 2006 

Yes! Oh God! Yes! 

 For some Christians, better sex is the best way to save marriage 

BY KEN MACQUEEN  

Conservative Christians -- who see marriage under attack from infidelity and divorce, from common-law and same-sex unions -- are increasingly taking to the bedrooms in a stirring and often joyfully kinky defence of the institution. Bedrooms, in fact, are the least of it. Kitchens are hot. So are garages, the back seat of the family sedan, and maybe a secluded corner of a public park, if the spirit so moves. The point being: sex within a monogamous marriage has plenty to offer the amorous adventurer, so why deviate? The image of the Christian marriage as a dutiful vehicle for procreation or, worse, as the institution where sex goes to die, is obviously a bum rap. Not that there's anything wrong with bum raps between consenting marital partners, judging by the spicy menu on offer at church-sponsored marital enrichment classes, in religious self-help books, and at conferences. Then there's the new breed of websites, where scripture coexists with unblushing advice on spanking, bondage and oral sex -- and where the product line ranges from lace-up leathers to restraint chairs. The new openness is not just an attempt to keep the oh God! oh God! oh God! in the Christian marriage. It's a way of fostering intimacy, honesty, joy and fidelity. It's a little slower in Canada, but the church is, by and large, ready for some healthy sex," says Doug Weiss, a Colorado-based author and marital counsellor. He travels extensively in both the U.S. and the Canadian West, and offers advice at www.intimatematters.com. He spoke at 44 conferences last year, mostly in churches, offering seminars on building happy, healthy sexual relationships as an alternative to pornography and infidelity. Congregations, he says, "are tired about the old message that sex is bad and nasty, but save it for the one you love." 

Weiss was a featured speaker in June at the annual Smarter Families conference staged by six theological schools at Trinity Western University, a private Christian university in B.C.'s Fraser Valley. The conferences are billed as a way to "strengthen the institution of traditional marriage, to reduce the prevalence of divorce in our churches and communities." Or, as Weiss puts it: "If you're going to have sex, you might as well have good sex." Make love with the lights on, he advised conference goers. Communicate with each other and keep your eyes open during orgasm, the better to store memories of your partner's pleasure. Couples should draft a "sexual agreement" as to how often they will have sex, and to share responsibility for initiating it. He also advises they create a "sexual garden" of acceptable acts. "Then, play with the fruits they agree are in the garden," he says. "That cuts down a lot of wear and tear sexually." 

Other conference participants included Anne and Brian Bercht, an Abbotsford, B.C., couple and co-authors of their tell-all book My Husband's Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me! The book, and their website, www.passionatelife.ca, focus on strategies to prevent affairs, or to rebuild trust and intimacy in damaged relationships. Happy marriages offer longer life, better health and "a lot more sex," the Berchts promise. Weiss offers a similar pitch for traditional marriage. "If Christians are having as good a marriage as they could, it wouldn't matter what the government did about [same-sex] marriages, people would be teased into Christian marriages because this guy is having more sex." Studies show, he adds, "the people who have the highest frequency and quality of sex are religious women." 

Tap into www.themarriagebed.com -- a forum for married Christian couples -- and you'll see they may be onto something. The site, created by a Texas couple, Rev. Paul Byerly and his wife, Lori, is a fetching mix of the chaste and the downright randy. A case in point: the site's ex cathedra musings on "What's Okay? What's Not?" The general consensus -- from sex toys to sexual position -- is that married couples can make all the joyful noise they wish. It's in the Bible. That said, coveting thy neighbour's spouse is still out of bounds. So is sex before marriage. And homosexuality? Not a chance. Still, to judge by the chat forums, Christian marriage is one fun club remarkably free of Thou Shalt Nots. The thread on striptease, one of the more demure, would make Carmen Electra blush. 

Then there's www.mybelovedsgarden.net, based in White Rock, B.C. The site has a bawdy charm all its own. It sells devices from penis pumps to the "Butterfly of Love," and enough leather and chains to clothe a bikers' club. Yet it abjectly apologizes for displaying its lingerie line on female models. To limit their sexual allure, photos of breasts and belly buttons are electronically blurred, and heads and legs are cut off. Still, the site advises: "Wives, may we suggest that you look alone at the lingerie pictures if this is an issue for your spouse." 

For at least one satisfied customer, who signs himself "Father of Six," this seems not a concern. While it may be true that sex is bad, he writes in the customer comment section, it gets better with practice. 

To comment, email letters@macleans.ca

Sherri and Michael Berner run mybelovedsgarden.net, a site that carries the widest array of products. The couple, who split their time between Vancouver, British Columbia, and Santa Barbara, Calif., include pictures of real lingerie models and original packaging materials on their Web site, although racier images and faces are blurred out online. Sherri Berner said it was important that Christian couples speak more openly with each other and increase intimacy. "Sex should be held in the sanctitude of marriage," Berner said. "It?s OK to talk about it and to use sex toys in order to achieve an orgasm. It?s not about exchanging love; it can be about having fun and playing together." Wilson said she believed sites like hers helped to preserve the integrity of Christian marriage. "Spreading the good news is what we're here for," Wilson said. "And if God's children want to spice up their relationship, there's nothing wrong with that and there should be good options for them. It keeps them holy."  

E-mail: mhc2111@columbia.edu  

One preacher's message: Have hotter sex
Minister Joe Beam says good Christian marriages walk on the wild side


By Brian Alexander
MSNBC contributor
Updated: 10:01 a.m. PT Sept 28, 2006
SAN DIEGO 

  About 100 evangelical Christian couples stand in the convention hall of a Four Points Sheraton, bow their heads and thank God for their lives and the new day. Then they sing the old-timey hymn "There?s Not a Friend Like the Lowly Jesus."
I have come here expecting exactly this scene. The occasion is a seminar called "Love, Sex and Marriage," being given by Joe Beam, a Southern preacher out of the old school, a self-described "book-chapter-and-verse guy," who runs an outfit based in Franklin, Tenn., called Family Dynamics. So I?m anticipating condemnation of American culture ? especially America?s sexual culture ? that has made conservative Christians feel besieged.
But then Beam, a portly, silver-haired basso profundo dressed in khaki slacks, a sweater vest and brown tasseled loafers that make him look like a retired country-club golf pro, walks to the front of the room and proceeds to tell the men in the audience how to make their semen taste better.
Sweet stuff works, he says, which provides a built-in excuse because "then you can say, 'I'm eating this cake for you, baby!'"
Welcome to the world of hot Christian love.
The San Diego Church of Christ is Beam?s sponsoring group today, but as far as he is concerned it could be any conservative Christian denomination. The message would be the same: Married Christians ought to be having more ? and hotter ? sex.
You could be forgiven for thinking "conservative Christian" and "hot sex" are oxymoronic. The missionary position has a real history, after all. But Beam is part of a burgeoning trend among evangelicals to bring sex out of the shadows, educate believers and relieve their guilt.
"For years, Christian publishing would not publish on sex," says Michael Sytsma, a Christian sex therapist with the Sexual Wholeness Ministry based in Duluth, Ga. "If they did, it was so heavily edited nothing of value was left. Now, more and more pastors are preaching about it on Sunday, though you still do not see classes in seminaries. We are seeking to do that."
Sytsma thinks preachers like Beam have seen ? and even felt themselves ? the impact of the sexual revolution, and realize the church has been left behind as a source of sexual information.
"Sex is a sacred subject," he says. "The church generally prefers not to talk about it. But that has a dual impact. It keeps it shrouded in ignorance and the implication is that since you are not talking about it, it?s bad."
God's 'most wonderful gift'
Beam sees this attitude every day. Women tell him: "I feel like I am sinning when I make love to my husband."
"They want help," he tells the assembled crowd at the Sheraton. At least a score of heads nod in recognition. "It?s hard," he continues, "to make the transition from ?sex is bad? when you are young and single to ?sex is good? when you are married." In fact, "sex is the most wonderful gift God ever gave Christians."
Beam, who is studying for a sexology Ph.D. from the University of Sydney in Australia, is all about shining the light. He and a few others like him have concluded that conservative Christians can cope with America?s hypersexualized culture by being given permission to pluck much of its fruit.
The information he dispenses is a mix of scriptural interpretation and mainstream sexology. He does not speak in euphemisms or metaphors and his plain spokeness makes a few listeners squirm, at first. But Beam is also part entertainer with a patter that is almost vaudevillian in its timing: "Why can women be multiorgasmic and men not? Well, I?ve decided God just likes you better! ... What?s the difference between a woman with PMS and a Doberman? Lipstick."
The humor and the brazen talk, coming from a man who is not only one of them, but a leader who rubs elbows with James Dobson and Jerry Falwell, gives them permission to relax and hear his message.
It?s a simple one: Sex is good. Good sex makes people happy. It deepens relationships. So it helps marriages last and that pleases God and makes society better.
There are rules many in the secular world reject. You have to be married. You have to be heterosexual. Other prohibitions include no sex with animals, no incest, no lust for people other than your spouse, no adultery (and that includes consensual threesomes and group sex) and no porn, rape or prostitution. You can?t harm the body. And you can?t have sex during a woman?s menstrual period.
If that last one seems like an outlier ? there is no particular health reason to avoid sex during menstruation among monogamous, disease-free couples ? you don?t understand Beam?s world view.
Scripture is his authority. Like other evangelicals, he believes the New Testament is the literal and infallible word of God. So when the book of Acts says, "You are to abstain from food sacrificed to idols, from blood, from the meat of strangled animals and from sexual immorality," that?s all he needs to know.
No inhibitions
This literalist view cuts both ways. Beam has been attacked by some conservative Christians for his liberal take on certain subjects. Much of what he preaches contradicts the teaching of other sects, such as Roman Catholicism. But he argues that if the Bible does not forbid it, you can do it. So bring on masturbation. Try any position in the Kama Sutra (but refer to drawings, please, not pictures of real people). Wife away on business? Have phone sex. Birth control is good. Even Christian anal sex is OK if (and Beam believes this is a big if) it does no harm to the body.
If you are a married Christian, not only can you do all this, but you should be doing it.
"Christians should be having great sex lives! We should be having better sex than anybody else! So drop your inhibitions at the door of your own house," Beam urges.
The crowd is obviously ready to do just that.
"Our church has tried to be more open about sex, and to be more real about it," Mary Wadstrom, a member of the San Diego church and, along with her husband, Jeff, one of the organizers of today?s sessions, tells me half-way through Beam?s lecture. "There are lots of hang-ups ingrained on you every day."
That?s very clear after Beam takes a break, giving time for attendees to fill out question cards. They?re supposed to be free to ask anything that?s been on their minds. When Beam returns he flips through the cards and says, "I am looking at your questions and let me say, you are a sick group of people!"
Everybody cracks up yet again. He begins reading:
Can you give us some techniques for oral sex?
He does, and, using his hand and arm as props, describes it in detail ("?creating suction and warmth with your mouth, your tongue here?") complete with sound effects.
Is mutual masturbation OK?
"Yes."
Which sex toys are good, and can we use them at all?
"I usually get the question this way," Beam answers. "?What does the Bible say about vibrators?" More laughter. "Can we use a vibrator? Sure you can if you want to."
What can you do if your wife is having trouble reaching orgasm?
"Try having sex doggy-style and simultaneously masturbating."
He offers another suggestion: "You?ve heard of the proverbial 69?" Some in the audience return blank stares. He stares back, open-mouthed, and gently mocks them. "Huh? Is that in Acts?"
Unburdened ? and eager to get home
The explicitness causes some jaws to drop, but not because people are offended.
"What is new for me is not that kind of talk," Wadstrom says. The church has had some sexual conversations before, but always in classes segregated by gender.
"What was new is having men and women together in the same room," she says. "That was very helpful because everybody knows what?s being said to the others."
Beam's presentation has a liberating effect on these couples. About four hours later, when it?s all over, many appeared unburdened. Either they were experimenting anyway, and feeling miserable about it, or they were restricting themselves to acts they thought were godly, and feeling miserable about that.
"I was raised to think sex was bad," 23-year-old Kym Blackburn recalls of her religious upbringing. She forced her husband, Matt, a U.S. Navy enlisted man, to attend, but now he is glad he did. He is awaiting a second deployment to Iraq, and thinks their marriage will grow stronger in the weeks before he leaves.
Jose and Marta Ochoa echo that sentiment. "My whole life I thought certain things were wrong, or not Christian," Marta, 47, tells me as her husband, Jose, 52, nods vigorously in the background.
He?d spent years asking her for more variation but now, finally, "she understands we can share all this freely and it?s not a sin like she thought. It is gonna happen more!"
That, Marta tells me, makes her very happy.
Then they excuse themselves. They?re in a rush to get home.
Brian Alexander, a California-based freelance writer and MSNBC.com's Sexploration columnist, is traveling around the country to find out how Americans get sexual satisfaction. Alexander, also a Glamour contributing editor, is chronicling his work in the MSNBC.com special report "America Unzipped" and in an upcoming book for Harmony, an imprint of Crown Publishing. In the next installment in this series, he takes a job at a sex superstore. 

It is SO a Big Deal: Delaying Premature Ejaculation 

By: Michael Woo-Ming, MD  

It is So a Big Deal!": Delaying Premature Ejaculation 

Perhaps one of the most common health questions a doctor receives is help in preventing premature ejaculation. Although the spouse or girlfriend may say "it's not a big deal", at some time in a man's life he will be faced with ejaculating befrore the
partner is ready and will consider it a "big deal". When exactly this is, is subject to debate, but it is based on how satisified the man is ready to ejaculate.

What causes premature ejaculation?

No one exactly knows, but in a majority of cases it can be attributed to anxiety or nervousness. Younger men often have this problem, as older men tend to have a better idea on how to control their release. Some researchers states a man can reach orgasm within 3 minutes after penetration. Most women need orgasm after 8 to 10 minutes. This is often where the problem lies, with the man feeling guilty or ashamed of not controlling his ejaculation, preventing a woman from reaching orgasm.

What are the different methods in preventing premature ejaculation?

There are several techniques to try:

Masters and Johnson Method

This is the technique developed by the famous sexologists. It involves masturbation, either by yourself or with help from a partner:

Masturbate (lubrication with Astroglide may be helpful). Allow yourself to stop just before ejaculating, relaxing, even letting your erection to decrease. Repeat this until you have a better idea when you have reached the "point of no return". With a partner allow her to stimulate you either via mastrubation or oral sex, and then signal when you are close to ejaculating. Signalling can often come in the form of a gentle squeeze or, more bluntly saying "Stop" or "Slow down". It may take several attempts to be successful using the Masters and Johnson Method. Using this "start and stop" method during intercourse may take practice.

Squeeze Technique

This is a variation of the Masters and Johnson Method. This is where the partner "pinches" the tip or base of the man's penis before ejaculation. This decreases the amount of blood flow to the penis, causing the man to lose his erection.

The Pressure Point

If you are close to ejaculating you may want to know about nature's own Panic Button. Between the scroum and the anus there is a duct that can prevent ejaculation. Have yourself or your partner press with their fingers and you can often stop the ejaculation in its tracks.

The Muscle

Controlling the pubococcygeus muscle is another way of preventing ejaculation. This is the muscle we use to stop ourselves from urinating midstream. Learn to contract that muscle ten times a day and you can use this as another alternative of the start-stop method.

Second Time Around

Men often take a longer time to ejaculate during the second time of coitus. If the first time was too quick, you may want to engage in extended foreplay or oral stimulation while preparating for a repeat performance.

Condoms

Condoms can help decrease the amount of stimulation during intercourse. Ribbed condoms are often the least sensitive. Of course, their greatest importance is in preventing sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy.

Desensitization Creams

Out on the market are creams that contain anesthetic gels similar to use in offices to decrease stimulation. Most common are the creams that contain the active ingredient benzocaine. Your mileage may vary on these, as some men feel that they make intercourse less pleasurable.

Positions

It is suggested that laying down with the woman on top is the best way of prolonging an erection during intercourse. This causes the man to be relaxed and can better guide their thrusting to delaying the inevitable. The missionary position is often considered the most difficult one to preventing early ejaculations.

Sometimes men go to their doctor for this problem. Recently, primary care physicians and urologists have been prescribing medications to reduce anxiety in helping with premature ejaculation. Zoloft and Klonopin are medications that have been tried. Although considered an off-label use for treatment, Viagra has also helped with premature ejaculation particular those who suffer from intermittent impotence as well. Other times a referral to a sex therapist or psychologist may be needed. Premature ejaculation is a common problem that can seriously affect a relationship or marriage. It is important that couples are upfront with the problem so they can work on doing something in fixing it.

About The Author...
Michael Woo-Ming, MD is the founder of MyPhysicians.com, a site where you can ask doctors and specialists your medical questions online.
Provided By: Health and Fitness  

Sex toys arguably approved by the Good Book

By THANE BURNETT                                                                  Toronto Sun

If it's been awhile since you felt the power of God, then perhaps it's time to change your batteries.

While Christians are often portrayed as up-tight and buttoned-downed when it comes to -- um, well, you know -- sex, a growing number of online storekeepers now promise as much exultation for the body as the soul.

Can I get an "amen" for Christian sex shops.

Arguably Bible approved -- most contain chapter and verse where the good book speaks about man and woman "becoming one flesh" -- Canada, the U.S. and the U.K. are now home to sites devoted to unbelievable toys for true believers.

From lotions and oils to rings and a vibrator called the "Jelly Gumdrop Vibe Cherry Smoothie." Michael and Sherri Berner's online shop -- mybelovedsgarden.net -- offers a king's ransom of waterproof aids for married couples only.

While you can order a "Turbo 8 Accelerator Bullet" from them -- I still can't figure out why you would need an LED read-out -- what you won't see on their site are any graphic images of naked men and women.

There are other, more subtle, tell-tale signs that theirs is not a typical sex toy shop.

Even though they sell erotic lingerie -- each pictured on a model -- what you won't find is a belly button. They have been digitally removed, along with most cleavage, so as not to offend some Christians.

The Surrey, B.C. couple was inspired with the idea about six years ago, and finally came online with it in 2004. The website is now routinely given out to couples during Christian marriage counselling, especially in the U.S., where 90% of their business comes from.

"Sexuality has been treated as a bad thing," Michael explains.

"These are just toys and things in a bedroom ... what is the problem."

Christians can have healthy sex lives, he and Sherri preach.

"It's a wonderful ministry and business," he adds.

He remembers one couple, in their 50s, contacted him after they had ordered from their shop. While their sex life had previously turned to Hell, their online shipment was heaven sent.

Owners of a large rural acreage, they told Michael, they "were soon running around it nude, after one another."

Their clients include the old the disabled and sick -- one woman needed lotions to counteract the effects of cancer treatment -- as well as men of God.

"A pastor can't simply walk into most (sex) shops," says Michael.

"You begin to talk to some Christians, and realize they haven't had sex for years. Where do they turn?"

As well, Michael said most XXX-shops prey on the senses of the flock.

While you usually can't avoid graphic imagery of multiple-partners and homosexuality, these sites stay clear of anything anal.

While sales are climbing, he says Canadians are still slower than Americans to be converted over to a sex site.

Which is strange, he admits, since you can find more graphic images and language on our TV, than south of the border.

Which may be a problem. They had to shut down their Canadian-based, Christian sex and relationship chat site, because it was becoming too blue.

Even Michael and Sherri's online address is now American.

The 42-year-old soft tissue, pain control expert -- and Sherri, a 39-year-old interior designer -- often get strange reactions when they tell people about their on-line ministry.

"People go red-faced, and don't want to know anything more," he said.

"We're putting a chink in the armour (of not being able to talk openly)."

After the birth of her first child, six years ago, Joy Wilson couldn't get motivated for sex with her husband Kevin. A strong Christian, the Oregon teacher didn't know where to turn for her salvation.

So she and Kevin started book22.com, one of the first religious-based intimacy product sites aimed at married couples.

Before they send out any of their products, most of the cardboard backing -- often depicting nude or semi-nude models -- is taken away. In other cases, stickers are placed over naughty bits. The products are then sent out in plastic polybags.

"Some would ask, 'Are you taking out the directions?" says the 35-year-old mom. "The sad thing is there are no directions in most of these products. They don't say how they work or how to clean them."

Her site links to another online Christian sex and intimacy location -- themarriagebed.com -- which tells users what goes where.

This year, Joy and Kevin's market will be about $100,000 -- largely from the U.S. and Canada.

"It's way more a ministry than about making money," Joy says.

Though she still doesn't tell everyone in her church.

"We don't want to embarrass the older couple sitting in the next pew," she admits.

She -- and the other shopkeepers -- are just quietly happy to be arming Christian soldiers for the bedroom.

And, oh God, yes, embracing what comes naturally.